There and Back
by morganagain
Summary: Set after Exodus. What happens to the castaways when others are found? Mostly Shayid, some CC, others. Total of 9 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Notes: Thanks to mrstater for her time, energy and guidance. She really deserves writing credit._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Lost". They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC_

**There and Back, chapter 1**

Waves lapped at Sawyers face, filling his mouth and nose with salt water and slapping him awake. As he sputtered and coughed, he wondered for a moment what the hell was going on, only to be hit by a flood of memories: the raft, the rescue that wasn't a rescue at all, the bullet and the cold ocean knocking him unconscious. He tried to focus, tried to wrap his mind around what happened, but his mind drifted in and out of consciousness. His shoulder throbbed as he clung to debris from the raft. Where were Jin and Michael? Had they survived? All his effort was required, but he turned his head and saw Michael. He, too, clung to waterlogged bamboo, and his eyes were fixed on the horizon as he murmured his son's name over and over again: "Walt, Walt, Walt…" Their dreams of being saved, their ecstasy when the boat first approached were quickly and horrifically dashed. Walt. And Jin - god only knew what happened to him, so much chaos in the dark water after the raft was destroyed. Sawyer's shoulder throbbed again and everything went black.

Ana-Lucia Cortez walked along the beach as she did every morning, ostensibly to find clams or other sources of food, but really to clear her head. Too much togetherness could be tough; she needed time on her own. Kicking an errant stone she broke into a run, warm breezes whipping her hair back. If she blocked things out just enough, she could almost pretend she was still on vacation, skipping another week of drudgery at her job for her own private paradise. Almost.

The reality hit hard, some paradise. Paradise was only paradise if you could find your way home again. And paradise never came with a frightening mechanical mystery monster, as she had named that thing in the jungle that had killed Chris. Not just killed him, ripped him apart. The memory flooded her mind and she ran faster, trying to find her escape, not seeing, just running, faster and faster.

Suddenly Ana found herself sprawling on the wet sand. She whipped her head around and scrambled to her feet, expecting to see that she'd tripped over driftwood. Instead she saw a man, unconscious, clinging to a bundle of bamboo. Was he alive? Moving straggly blond hair away from his neck she felt for a pulse. Thank god she thought, he's alive and his pulse felt was strong.

Scanning the beach, she saw another man, presumably unconscious, further up the shore. She needed help, and dashed back quickly to Base Camp to find Dave and Eric. Just over the hill lay Base Camp – what Chris had always called it. He had been determined to explore the island, hoping to find some way off it, or at least find some way of making their lives there easier. So every morning he would set off into the jungle, always promising to come back to Base camp.

She shook off the memories and shouted for help.

Even after he became conscious, Michael kept his eyes closed. He could hardly believe his was lying on solid ground, or that the sound of the waves, which had lapped around him all night, receded into the distance. Where was he?

Slowly he sat up and opened his eyes. He started at the sight of a number of strangers milling around him. Instantly Michael sprang into action. He jumped to his feet and grabbed the shoulder of the nearest man.

"Who are you?" he yelled. "Where is my son? What did you do with Walt?"

"Try to calm down" Dave said, offering him a drink of water. "Here, take this. Now who is Walt? We found another man, about your age, but noone else."

"You're lying man, what the hell did you do with him?" Michael railed back.

Dave touched is arm, "Seriously, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm sorry. Ana found you this morning, washed up on the beach."

Michael collapsed back on the sand. "Who are you then?"

Ana stepped in. "We're the survivors of Oceanic flight 815."

Michael just stared at her.

Ana smiled, "come on, I'll take you to your friend."

She and Dave led Michael, still too stunned to speak, to the tent Sawyer was resting in.

"I took a look at his shoulder" Dave said. "Looks bad but its only superficial.

Michael looked at Sawyer. He was lying, still unconscious, on a makeshift bed; a white tarp offered some protection from the sun.

"Its okay, I'm an EMT. Not a doctor of course, but I did what I could. He should be okay."

Ana turned to Michael, "So who are you guys? Where did you come from?"

"We're survivors from Oceanic 815. Who the hell are you?" Sawyer had woken up.

There was little sleep for the camp that night. Everyone stayed up far into the night talking, amazed to find out there were other survivors from the doomed flight. There were 23 of them, 24 if you counted Chris.

After a fitful hour or two of sleep, Sawyer found Michael staring at the fire.

Softly he said, "Well, daddy, what do we do now?"

Without looking at him, Michael replied, "We find him. We find Walt."

"And how do you suggest we go about finding him?"

"I don't know, man, I don't know. I've been thinking, though, what I'd like to do is try to find our old beach. We headed north on the raft, but I think we drifted east some. If we head west we may be able to find it.

"Sounds like a plan. What then?"

"I think we need to find John Locke. Something tells me he might be the key to helping me find Walt."

They watched as the camp came to life. Ana and Dave approached the two, bringing some food and water.

"Here, eat something, you'll need your strength if you are going into the jungle." Ana said.

"How did you know what we were planning to do?" Michael asked, gratefully taking some fruit.

"I have my ways," Ana laughed. "Seriously, though, I overheard you talking. Listen, I was talking with Dave. We were wondering if you'd mind if we tagged along? We could use a change of scenery."

"Are you sure you want to go?" Michael asked. "We're not quite certain where it is from here."

Ana nodded. She needed a change in scenery. Dave was quiet, just staring out at the ocean. She knew what he was thinking; he needed to get away from the place where Chris had been killed.

"Great." Sawyer said, "Lets get this show on the road."


	2. Chapter 2

**There and Back, chapter 2**

Dawn rose quietly on the beach, soft light playing on the sea, painting it red, orange and yellow. Lying in Sayid's arms, neither one of them sleeping or stirring, Shannon thought how the landscape looked like one of Gauguin's paintings. Or was she thinking of Cezanne? No, definitely Gauguin. Shannon couldn't help but smile. That time in France wasn't a total waste; she'd learned about a few things – namely the language and art. She wondered if she'd ever get a chance to take Sayid to France. She wanted to show him the Musee d'Orsay, and the nightclub she'd frequented. What was the name again? Shannon tried to picture Sayid in a nightclub, but she couldn't quite see it. She would have to think about that one.

Snuggling closer against Sayid, Shannon realized six days had passed since that day – the day when Danielle had stolen Claire's baby, when they had all fled to the caves, numb with fear. Six days since Sayid and Charlie had triumphantly returned with Aaron. Six days since Shannon had run into Sayid's arms, never wanting to let go.

They had stayed in the caves for a couple of days, not knowing if Danielle was simply crazy or if there was truth to her story. Charlie railed against her, certain she was just a nut job, but Sayid wasn't so sure. Still, after a couple of days, a few of the castaways, Sayid and Shannon included, decided to head back to the beach. If Michael and the others had gotten anywhere and found help, it was important to get the signal fire going again.

Fear gave way to hope: hope for rescue, for relief, for home. Shannon and Sayid spent their days and evenings collecting wood and feeding the fire, all the while alternating between dreams of home and pregnant silences. They shared what they wanted to do when they were rescued, then lapsed into silence, thinking about what might really be in store for them if rescue came. Would they stay together? Would their lives together in the real world make sense? Neither broached the subject, each one afraid of the answer.

Shannon was the first to move. She shifted into a sitting position and stared down the beach. She sighed to see Sun still at her spot at the shoreline. The Korean woman had barely moved from her spot in the past three days. Sometimes she stood, other times she sat, but she always stared at the horizon. When she lifted her hand, her wedding band reflected the sun, flashing the light back toward her. It was as if she were trying to direct he light into her heart and reflect it into Jin's. She was fighting for some kind of connection, some way of knowing he was okay. Shannon would have liked to say something to her, to offer some kind of hope, but what could she say?

Sayid pulled Shannon close again. His strong arms around her always made her feel so safe. Content she spoke, this time lightheartedly:

"Do you know what I want to do when we are rescued?"

"What"

"I want to go skiing."

Sayid laughed. "Skiing?"

"Yes", Shannon said. We have a place in Aspen. You'd love it. So beautiful and not hot. I could teach you to ski if you don't know how. And we could eat pizza." Shannon's voice trailed off. God, she could almost smell the pizza. Before the plane crash, she would have sneered at the thought of a pizza, but right now, she would happily eat a whole one. She continued, running her fingers along the back of Sayid's hand. "We could sit by the fire and have drinks, just the two of us."

Sayid kissed Shannon gently on the top of her head, then made his way to gather more wood for the fire.

A movement in her peripheral pulled Shannon from her thoughts. Sun had shifted from her spot and was staring at something on the beach. Something shiny, gleaming in the sun. As Shannon moved to get a better view, she realized it was a bottle. Sun collapsed.


	3. Chapter 3

**There and Back, Chapter 3**

It didn't take long for the rest of the camp to learn that the bottle filled with messages had washed up on shore. It didn't take much to figure out that it wasn't a good sign. Some clung to the hope that maybe it just fell overboard, but most seemed to know, or at least assume, the worst.

Jack took Sun back to the caves, and Claire and Charlie watched over her, hoping she would come back to them. Sun hadn't spoken a word since her collapse on the beach, just gone somewhere in her own mind. She would drink if they put water in front of her, but she refused to eat. Sadness descending on her like a heavy wool blanket, too heavy to move, with no warmth in its weight.

Kate was at the caves when she heard about the bottle. Hurley had told her, in the same matter-of-fact way he'd told Jack he had Arzt on him. "Dude," he said to Kate, "did you hear the bottle washed on shore?"

Without a word, Kate made her way through the jungle, away from the others. Sitting on the rocks, she thought about Sawyer. She couldn't believe he was gone. She could practically see him standing there, teasing her about something or other. More than anything, she wanted to believe that the bottle had simply fallen overboard. Not that she cared: Sawyer could be such an ass.

I'm sure he's fine, Kate." Jack's voice startled her out of her musing. How could she have not heard him approach? And how did he know she was thinking of Sawyer?

Jack continued. "Knowing Sawyer, he's on a rescue boat somewhere, making up names for the captain and crew, conning them out of cigarettes and beer."

Kate smiled sadly. It was sweet of Jack to try to cheer her up, but she knew he wasn't one for wishful thinking. Especially not about Sawyer.

"You never know." Seating himself beside her, Jack asked, "So what new nicknames do you think Jin and Michael have by now?"

Kate thought for a minute, but couldn't come up with anything. "I was never very good at that."

"Neither was I."

Kate stared out at the horizon, and then looked at Jack again. "I just don't think he' – they're – " she corrected, "dead."

"Well ain't that sweet, Freckles," came a familiar drawl behind them.

Kate whipped around and saw him. Sawyer.


	4. Chapter 4

**There and Back, chapter 4**

A strange jumble of emotions settled over the camp: joy at knowing Michael and Sawyer were alive and virtually unharmed; fear for Jin's fate, the likely answer too painful to verbalize; horror at Walt's kidnapping; shock to learn of other survivors of flight 815; excitement to meet Dave and Ana, if only because they were new faces, ones that didn't threaten impending doom; bleak acceptance that the raft hadn't worked and the chance of rescue even slimmer than before.

What hit everyone hardest was that instead of salvation, the raft had brought only more loss. Even Sayid, who had, in the beginning, questioned the wisdom of building it, had found hope in the raft. He withdrew, even from Shannon, and concentrated on what he knew best: working on the transceiver, trying to find some reason to hope again.

Sayid sat at his desk, tinkering with the transceiver, eyes focused deliberately at his task.

Ana made her way to him, eyes lighting up. "Is that the transceiver?"

Sayid nodded, "Ana-Lucia, right?"

"You can call me Ana. And you are?"

"Sayid." he replied, extending his hand.

Shaking his hand then sitting across from him, Ana smiled, "I'm an engineer. Well, back in the real world."

Sayid looked up at her, interest piqued. "Do you know anything about transceivers?"

"Not really. But I built my first radio when I was only thirteen. I have a passion for taking things apart and putting them back together."

"Do you now?"

"Ever since I got my first erector set for Christmas. Santa was good that year."

Sayid laughed and set the transceiver in front of her: "Maybe you can figure out what I cannot."

For the third day in a row, Shannon was bored. Changing into her bikini she stretched out on her back to work on her tan.

"Hey Sticks!" Sawyer called. "Aren't you ever going to welcome me back?"

Shannon ignored him.

Persistent, he approached, nudging her leg with his foot: "Hey, I'm talking to you, sweetness."

"You're in my sun"

Sawyer suppressed a chuckle. "Guess I should be the one welcoming you back, Sticks. I was afraid you'd gone soft now that you and Aladdin were back together."

Shannon glared at him, "Go away, Sawyer."

Not one to take orders, Sawyer went on. "Now what on earth could be bothering the princess? Hmmm...I wonder." Chuckling a little, he added, "Ana's mighty pretty, doncha think?"

Shannon turned onto her stomach and closed her eyes. "Go away, Sawyer" she muttered again. "Just go away."

Laughing outright, Sawyer headed off to the caves.

Alone again, Shannon stretched as the sun beat down on her. Sunbathing and bitching were like comfort food. No need to help with the signal fire anymore. Sayid had Ana-Lucia now. She was always with him. Hell, anytime Shannon approached Sayid's tent, she felt like she was interrupting some great joke between the two of them.

She tried not to let it bother her. Late at night, Sayid still held her. But he didn't talk to her anymore, not really. Shannon had never felt so alone as she did, wrapped in Sayid's arms while everyone else slept.

She didn't even have Vincent to talk to anymore. Michael, Locke, and Steve had taken him with them two days ago, saying the dog would be very helpful in finding where the others had taken Walt. Shannon had no choice but to let them take Vincent, but she missed him. He was a sweet dog. Reminded her of the golden retriever she'd had as a child.

Shannon untied the straps to her bikini top and turned her head to face the other way. She could see Ana and Sayid off to the side, laughing together, heads practically touching. Trying to quell the ache in her stomach, Shannon turned her head to face the other way again. Tears stung her cheek as she willed herself to go to sleep. To try to ease the pain with dreams, hopefully ones of better days.

When Shannon woke, it was dark. She lay there, alone, sadder than when she drifted off. The dreams hadn't helped; visions had passed through her mind, visions of Boone, her stepmother, various boyfriends, all laughing and taunting her, telling her she was useless. Gathering her things together she headed to her shelter. Sayid wasn't there, and she didn't see him anywhere. Shannon Rutherford was all alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**There and Back, chapter 5**

The next day Shannon awoke, Sayid was still nowhere to be found. She didn't want to ask the others about him; it would be too humiliating. Instead she decided to go to the caves. A change of scenery would be good for her. Besides, maybe - just maybe - Sayid would be looking for her for a change.

Upon Shannon's arrival at the caves, she was immediately greeted by Claire. She and Charlie sat playing with baby Aaron. Shannon settled herself next to them, re-thinking her decision to come. Though she was happy for the couple, seeing them made her feel just how alone she was.

Charlie asked, "How is Sayid? That was something else, that gunpowder trick of his. Wow."

Shannon wasn't sure if he was really curious about Sayid or merely showing off how tough he was to endure having a wound cauterized.

Shannon swallowed hard, "I haven't seen him yet today. He's working on the transceiver." Shannon heard herself talking on and on about how busy Sayid was, how hard he was working. She said too much, talked too fast, and she knew it sounded like she was making excuses, but she couldn't stop herself.

Claire looked at her a minute, then turned to Charlie. "Would you mind getting us some fruit, maybe see if there is any fish anywhere?"

Charlie stared for a moment, seemed to understand her meaning, and said he'd be back in a while.

Claire placed Aaron, sweetly sleeping, in his homemade cradle and turned to Shannon. "Now tell me, what is going on."

Shannon couldn't take it anymore, she poured her heart out to Claire. This was not the Shannon Rutherford she knew herself to be. Insecure was not her middle name. Sure there was that useless factor, but even so around men she usually held the reins. Claire was a good friend. She didn't try to offer advice, just listened and made the appropriate comments from time to time: "I'm sure he still cares; he's just trying to find a way off this island."

Shannon barely heard her. She needed to talk. It felt good. Though it didn't really make her feel better, it just helped somehow.

She and Claire switched the subject to Aaron, and to Charlie. Claire blushed at the mention of Charlie's devotion to them. Shannon could tell Claire knew it to be true, but was still too shy to talk openly about him being more than a friend. They moved onto lighter topics, both grateful to talk about food and clothes, movies, old boyfriends - things they could laugh about.

It was nice to laugh, Shannon thought, gazing out at the water. Kate was there, filling water bottles. Being useful, Shannon thought with a sigh.

Just then Kate looked up and saw her. "Shannon." She said, approaching. "I saw Sayid a little while ago. He asked me to tell you that he and Ana are getting a lot accomplished on the transceiver."

"Oh." Shannon struggled to sound nonchalant.

"I haven't really talked to Ana. What's she like?" asked Claire, protectively trying to divert Kate's attention away from Shannon.

"She's cool. And a huge help with technical stuff." Kate smiled.

Shannon shut out Kate's voice. She couldn't listen to her going on and on about how smart Ana was, how helpful – everything she was not. Claire gave her a sympathetic smile, but Shannon wouldn't look her friend in the eye. She was too afraid of crying in front of Kate.

Finally Kate left to take the bottles back to the beach. Claire tried to squeeze Shannon's hand but she jerked away.

Shannon stood up and started walking. Enough. Enough. She needed a change, needed to get out of there. As she made her way out of the caves she overheard Dave talking to Tracy: he was heading back to Base Camp. Shannon stopped dead and faced him. "Can I go with you?"


	6. Chapter 6

**There and Back, chapter 6**

After packing a small bag with toiletries and extra clothes, Shannon raced back to the caves to meet Dave. She could hardly believe she'd volunteered to hike through the jungle to the other survivors' Base Camp. She also couldn't believe Dave agreed to let her tag along. He didn't even know her. It was a relief to have someone not know how useless she was.

"Shannon!" a man's voice called.

Shannon stopped running and looked around. "Dave?"

"No Shannon, it's not Dave." Sayid stepped out of the shadows towards her

Shannon's mind reeled, and she silently cursed herself. She'd hoped to leave without having to explain things to Sayid.

"Where are you going? To the caves?" Sayid asked, falling into step with her. "I will walk with you."

Trying to sound nonchalant, Shannon replied, "To the caves for now, then I'm going with Dave to the other camp."

Sayid stopped short, obviously surprised, and just looked at her.

Unable to contain her frustration any longer, Shannon found herself shouting, "Where have you been? Where?"

Sayid started, obviously surprised at her tone. "Shannon, I've been working on the transceiver, you know that."

"With her?" Shannon accused. Enough. Enough she thought, turning to leave she quietly said, "I'm going, Sayid."

"When will you be back?" Sayid's voice, thick with hurt, sounded defeated.

How dare he sound hurt, how dare he?

"I don't know" Shannon replied, coolly, then walked away.

Shannon made it to the caves without crying. Her head spun. Why did he give her that look, that one she knew so well: like she had ripped out his heart and stomped on it, kicking it into the dirt. He had hurt _her_, dammit. There was no question about it, and she sure as hell wasn't going to stick around for more. "Breathe Shannon, breathe", she muttered to herself. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," became her mantra.

As Shannon rounded the corner of the caves, she ran right into Dave.

"Ready?" he asked.

Shannon didn't even need to think, "Yep, let's do this. Can't wait to see another piece of Craphole Island."

Dave laughed and off they started.

They hadn't even left the sight of the caves when Claire stumbled on them, baby Aaron fast asleep in the sling Charlie had fashioned. She had a hastily packed bag slung over her shoulder and looked at them with fierce eyes. "I'm coming with you", she said.

Shannon and Dave could both see no wasn't an option. Smiling, Shannon said, "The more the merrier, right?"

It took them several days to reach Base Camp. They went slowly so as not to aggravate Shannon's asthma, and because of frequent breaks for Claire and Aaron.

Dave smiled, "Hey, gives us all a chance to get to know each other, right?"

Shannon learned that Dave had been traveling with his partner, Chris. They had taken their dream vacation to New Zealand and Australia and were on their way home to Santa Barbara when their lives were changed forever. Chris' death had devastated Dave.

They had met in grad school at UC Santa Barbara five years earlier. Dave had dropped out after his first year, but Chris had gone on to get his masters in marine biology. Diving 101 Dave used to tease. Chris had a sailboat and they used it to take day trips to the Channel Islands, just off the coast. Occasionally they would head south to Catalina. One time they even went as far as Baja.

Chris loved the outdoors. Sailing, diving, hiking, you name it. A born leader, it wasn't surprising that when the plane had first crashed, Chris had been one of the first to gear into survival mode. While Dave did what he could for the injured, Chris organized the able bodied, sending some to get firewood, others to find fruit or shelter. That's how they met Ana. "Ana-Lucia Cortez, my friends just call me Ana" she had said.

It was Dave and Ana who had gone looking for Chris after he had failed to come back to Base Camp. It was late, Dave was worried, Ana had offered to come with him and look for Chris. They hadn't gone very far when they heard an awful racket…a horrible mechanical screeching. Ana and Dave started to run, to find some sort of shelter. That is when they found Chris. At least what was left of him. Dave hadn't even noticed the screeching had disappeared. He had no recollection of what happened afterwards, just eventually found himself back at Base Camp, sitting by the fire, Ana trying to get him to eat something.

As Dave grew quiet, Shannon told him a bit about Boone. Not too much: she didn't know if she would ever tell anyone what really happened between them. But she did talk about their life as brother and sister and, of his death. It helped a little to talk with someone who had lost someone on the island.

Shannon also learned why Claire had decided to come with them. Apparently Charlie had taken one of the statues filled with heroin from the plane. He had told Claire at some point about his addiction, and Sayid had told Shannon about the plane full of heroin madonnas, who in turn had told Claire about them. Charlie had sworn he was clean, but earlier that day Claire had been rearranging their things, cleaning out his bag and she found it. It didn't take much to put two and two together. She was so shocked, hurt beyond belief. Adrenaline took over and she packed up and left, hollering to Kate where she was going. Her baby had been through enough, hell, she had been through enough, and she wasn't going to add a junkie into the mix.

She sobbed as she told Shannon this. "I just never thought that Charlie would do this to us."


	7. Chapter 7

**There and Back, chapter 7**

Base Camp was the dumbest name Shannon had ever heard. Why did a campsite need a name? When they finally arrived there, Shannon wondered why she had come. Dave introduced them to the other survivors, tried to get them involved, but neither Shannon nor Claire felt like they belonged. Shannon realized it was because they had both run away from something, not to something. They kept to themselves, withdrawn and moping. Occasionally, Claire whined to Shannon about Charlie. One minute she asserted she couldn't stay with a using addict, and the next she wondered if she had been wrong, if she had judged him too hastily.

Claire's constant second-guessing annoyed Shannon. "Why not go back and find out" she asked.

"No. No, I'm sure I was right. I think I was anyway. No, I'm staying here." Claire said, her voice not nearly as convincing as she thought it was.

The morning of their third day at Base Camp, Shannon was awakened by the commotion of anxious voices.

She recognized Charlie's voice, pleading. "Claire, what is going on, why did you leave?"

"I saw it Charlie" Claire sobbed. "The statue. I know about the heroin. You're using again, I know it!"

"Claire…"

"No Charlie, I know it. Why, Charlie, why?"

"Claire, I'm not using. Listen to me. Listen to me! Yes I took a statue, but only the statue, not the drugs. I'm not saying I wasn't tempted for a minute, I was, that will always be a part of me. But I didn't take the drugs. I took the statue, praying that Mary would lead me to Aaron, that she would help me find the way to him. And she did, Claire, she did. Claire, please don't do this. Please Claire." Charlie's voice constricted in pain.

"Charlie…Oh Charlie…" Claire folded herself into Charlie's arms, all of her fears unfounded, all of her hopes alive again. "Oh Charlie…"

Shannon turned over, a small smile on her lips. She was happy for Claire, really she was. A shadow crossed her face. Now she was really alone. Pretending to still be asleep, she pulled the small airplane blanket tighter around her.

The next morning Shannon gathered her belongings, preparing for another hike through the jungle. She wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow Charlie and Claire convinced her to come back home with them. Home - a strange word but what else could she call the caves and beach where she'd lived the last month? They didn't have special names like Base Camp. Of course, she had dubbed the island Craphole Island. And then there were the Rape Caves. Not exactly welcoming, though.

Although she had tried to argue at first, she knew Charlie and Claire were right. With her asthma, it was safer to be near Jack and near Sun's herbal remedies. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how she would handle going back. She scolded herself sternly. Of course she could handle it. She had handled much worse: the deaths of her parents, her stepmother's ridicule, Boone's death. Boone's death. She tried not to think about it too much. As for Sayid, well, she had her pride. Besides, it wasn't like she loved him – though her heart lurched when she thought it.

Shannon muttered her now oft said mantra. "Breathe Shannon, breathe. I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine."


	8. Chapter 8

**There and Back, chapter 8**

Shannon had been at the caves for a week before she even thought about going to the beach. She hadn't seen Sayid, or Ana for that matter. Things were going surprisingly well actually. Claire and Charlie were happy again, Kate, Jack and Sawyer had found their way back to their weird little triangle, and most amazing of all was that Sun had started talking again, albeit briefly. Shannon learned that Sun spent her mornings in her garden, her afternoons walking along the beach, occasionally gazing at the horizon but more often than not just staring down at the sand, letting it sift between her fingers and toes. One day Sun invited Shannon to spend the day with her, starting in her garden. Shannon was amazed at how much had grown since she had last been here. Sun showed her how to plant the seeds she had collected, one here, one there, cover, pat tightly, not too tightly, use the water they brought to make sure they were off to a good start.

"Gardens need to be cared for" was Sun's carefully worded response to Shannon's enthusiasm. "They need encouragement, room to grow, air, light, love." When she said this she looked directly at Shannon, eyes trying to convey that she meant this to be true about more than just gardening. "They need the right nourishment and occasionally, they need weeding." Sun continued her lesson, still looking straight into Shannon's eyes. Shannon nodded in assent, not sure what was expected of her.

Later they walked to the beach. Shannon's heart dipped when they first exited the jungle, the sun beating down on her. Was she sweating because she was hot or because she was nervous? She shook her hands to quell any jitters, then stepped out on the sand, furtively glancing around to see who was nearby. Who was she kidding? Shannon knew – and so did everyone else – she was looking to see if Sayid was there. She turned to follow Sun down towards the water and saw him. She knew it was him, even though she only saw his outline, the sun shining directly into her eyes. Shaking, she started sweating again. Shannon knew she was being ridiculous, and she ran to catch up with Sun. Still, she wondered if Sayid had seen her. She glanced around again, trying not to be obvious, and spied him again,working at his desk. He looked the other way – and he was not alone. Shannon's heart sank. She should have known Ana would be with him.

"Shannon", Sun interrupted her thoughts. "Shannon, do you love him?"

"I don't know", Shannon said, surprising herself with her honesty. "I thought I did, but…look at him. Look at her."

Sun looked down at her feet, and then raised her head to look out at the sea towards the horizon. "Shannon" Sun said, but her voice caught. She regained her composure and continued. "Jin left to try to find a way to save me, to save us. He risked his life for me. He loved me so much he would do anything to find a way to make me happy, to make my life better. He worked so hard on that raft."

Her voice trailed away again. After a moment, she said, "I wish I could have one moment back to try to make his life easier, to do something wonderful for him. To love him. Just to hold him."

Sun looked directly into Shannon's eyes. "What I am trying to say is the man you love is sitting just a few feet away from you. You have the choice. Will you put aside your pride and love him, hold him, make his life better, or do you have only your pride to keep you warm at night."

Shannon stared off into the distance, hearing her words but not knowing what to do with them. She seemed at war within herself; battling pride, loneliness, fear and desire. Shannon turned her head briefly again and looked towards Sayid's shelter, her heart heavy as she watched the two pouring over the transceiver.

"Sun, you don't understand, look at him. At them. They have so much in common. What do we have in common? Nothing. I know nothing about transceivers, nothing about anything that could help us, just a little French, whatever good that is."

Sun frowned briefly at Shannon. "He doesn't love her, you know. Yes he spends time with her, yes they have much in common, but he doesn't love her. He doesn't look at her the way he looks at you. I've seen it. Just think about what I have said. You need to choose for yourself what you want to do." Sun stood and started heading back to the caves, Shannon following not far behind.


	9. Chapter 9

There and Back, chapter 9

The next morning Shannon sat at the edge of one of the caves, arms wrapped tightly around her legs, just staring at her feet. She'd sat there most of the night, listening to the waterfall, remembering back to that day when she had run into Sayid's arms. It hadn't been all that long ago, but somehow it felt like ages. Sighing she thought of the picnic on the beach that he had surprised her with, the shoes he had given her, the hundreds of little ways that he had showed he cared. But did he still?

Sun seemed to think so. Just listening to Sun talk about Jin yesterday had affected Shannon. It made her want to run straight over to Sayid, to throw her arms around him, tell him how she felt, tell him she loved him. She wanted to stroke his hair, run her fingers through those soft black curls. She wanted to smell him again, kiss him, feel his arms around her. Just the thought made her dizzy. So what if she couldn't help him with the transceiver? She could do other things. She could listen to him. Massage his shoulders, Make sure he took a break now and then. She could hold him. Dream with him. Love him.

"Dammit" Shannon breathed. "Dammit. What the hell have I done?"

She watched as the camp slowly came to life again. Watched as Sun made her way toward her garden. Stiffly, Shannon stood and followed her.

"Sun," Shannon asked quietly as she watched her plant a seed. "What can I do? I don't know what to do."

Sun turned to face her. "Just go to him, Shannon. Go to him, you'll find what you need once you get there. Look into your heart, the answer is there; you just need to let it see the light."

Still unsure, Shannon turned and headed down the path towards the beach. She had to try. Please let Sun be right, she pleaded, please let Sun be right.

Stepping out on the sand, she was surprised to find she was less nervous than she had been the day before. Didn't make any sense at all, did it, she smiled to herself. She knew where she would find him. Walking towards his shelter she saw him. Sayid. His eyes were focused on the transceiver laid out in front of him, hands teasing a wire into place. Shannon looked around sharply: no Ana. That was something anyway. She told herself to breathe. Silently she said her mantra: you'll be fine, you'll be fine, you'll be fine.

Sayid startled when Shannon approached him and quietly spoke his name.

"Shannon" Sayid looked at her briefly then returned to his task, his hands not quite as steady as they had been.

Suddenly shy, Shannon asked, "Will you take a walk with me?"

"All right." Sayid set down his tools and stood, but he didn't look at her.

Shannon cursed herself. She'd hurt him badly. If he couldn't even look at her, what were the chances he still cared for her?

"Where is Ana?" she asked, trying hard to sound normal as they walked away from the others on the beach.

"She went back to her own camp" Sayid quietly stated.

"Really? You both seemed to be getting so much done. I wonder why she left? Will she be coming ba-"

"Shannon," Sayid interrupted "I asked her to leave."

Shannon's heart skipped. "Why?"

"Shannon, Ana and I were working on the transceiver, that was it. I had no idea you thought something more was going on between us. How could there be when I had you? Or at least I thought I did." Sayid's hand reached out and brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers lightly tracing her cheek.

He continued, uncertainly. "Sun told me you still care for me. If that is not true you need to tell me so now, I cannot go through this anymore."

She hadn't slept last night. She must be dreaming, lost in a wonderful fairytale.

Sayid said her name again. His dark eyes trying to read hers, trying to see into her heart.

Overcome with raw emotion, Shannon couldn't seem to make herself talk. Looking into his eyes - those eyes that held so much, that told her she was important, wonderful, loved- Shannon did the only thing she could think of: she listened to her heart.

"Sayid," she whispered, taking his hand. She closed her eyes and trusted, trusted in herself, in him, in their love. As she kissed him she knew, knew for certain that this was right. As she felt his strong arms wrap around her body, all doubts erased, she knew whatever happened in the future, whether rescue someday came or never did, she was home.


End file.
